Maybe, when we are at our lowest and feel as though we have nothing to say, is exactly when we have the most to say. Maybe, we are afraid of being dismissed, talked down to, disrespected or diminished. Maybe, we are afraid of being shamed, wronged, laughed at or criticized. Maybe, we fear that our feelings will be invalidated or we will be condemned for having them. Maybe, our feelings and thoughts were met with love, empathy and compassion at one time, but somewhere down the road, that person used those same feelings as weapons to hurt us. Maybe, it is a combination of these fears that prevent us from speaking our mind, talking about our feelings and sharing what is bothering us. It is my belief that we can only have these fears if this has been our experience when we have opened up and bared our souls to someone. How many times can we allow ourselves to be hurt and damaged by the thoughtless and uncaring responses of others before we decide to shut down, hide our feelings and pretend that we are “fine”.
How many times can we forgive and put our trust in someone, only to have that trust shattered along with our hearts?
“Happiness in marriage is not something that just happens. A good marriage must be created. In the Art of Marriage, the little things are the big things. It is never being too old to hold hands. It is remembering to say ‘I love you’ at least once a day. It is never going to sleep angry. It is at no time taking the other for granted; the courtship should not end with the honeymoon; it should continue through all the years. It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives. It is standing together facing the world. It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family. It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy. It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways. It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel. It is not looking for perfection in each other. It is cultivating flexibility, patience, understanding and a sense of humor. It is having the capacity to forgive and forget. It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow. It is finding rooms for things of the spirit. It is a common search for the good and the beautiful. It is establishing a relationship in which the independence is equal, dependence is mutual and obligation is reciprocal. It is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.”
(HT: Catholic Marie on Pinterest)
Today I could have spent a quiet and peaceful day at home all by myself, but instead, I decided to surprise my son and pick him up early from school. I took him out to lunch and now he is sitting here with me playing a video game. And believe it or not, I am still having a quiet and peaceful day.
He is not an easy kid to be around lately. In fact, some days, it’s impossible. At times, he can be disrespectful, obnoxious and mean. I know it’s part puberty, part anxiety and part his environment. He feeds off of the mood he feels in our home, which at times, can be quite confusing for a child. There is an underlying hostility here, and if I can feel it, so can he. So today was special for me. It was our time to be together, to talk and laugh and not be affected by anyone or anything. He acted like the kid I have always known, the kid that I don’t get to see much of anymore.
My son and I have a strong bond, and I know the reason he takes a lot of his anger out on me is because he trust me completely. He knows my love is unconditional and he knows that I will never ever leave him or hurt him. He knows that no matter what he says or does, I will always be here for him. But man, sometimes, he hurts the hell out me with his words and actions. And even though I have been told by his therapist it is mostly displaced anger, it still breaks my heart each and every time.
So here I sit, watching the boy that I love, playing his video game and acting like a kid without a care in the world. My heart is happy today.
” Your children will see what you’re all about by what you live
rather than what you say “
Wayne W. Dyer